Bump
by you-know-its-actually-funny
Summary: Sequel to Heat: Because if anything would make Tony and Loki's life more weird and complicated, a small bump would just about do it.
1. Explorations On Criminal Masterminds

******Me: Sequel...woooo**

******Readers: *CLAP, HAND PLATE OF COOKIES AND THROW CONFETTII IN THE AIR***

******Readers: wooooo**

******Me: That's what I thought.**

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**BEFORE YOU CONTINUE: Someone has enlightened me that New York is fricktrillion miles away from Malibu and I'm an idiot for making everyone drive between places (thank you summerlove-jls). So, this officially takes place in a universe where New York is like an hour away from Tony's house.**

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******1) Explorations On Criminal Masterminds and Women's Underwear**

She was smiling. Beaming, actually.

Why in this universe would she be happy? How could she possibly take this news for the good kind? Loki had gone off and been irresponsible. _Again_. And who knows what troubles could stir this time, considering the gravity of the situation. Loki was simply supposed to find humility in his banishment, not keep being _mischievous_ and worm his way into impossible circumstances-

Wait…were those _tears_ in her eyes?

"Frigga," Odin blurted, ceasing his nervous pacing to stand in front of her. "I don't believe that's the reaction you should bare right now." Frigga, wrapped in her evening gown and sitting on the lounge, cupped her hands over her mouth and wouldn't let that inappropriately elated look on her face slip.

"I'm…" she held her breath for a moment as if to test if she was awake. "I'm going to be a _grandmother_…" Her hands moved to press against her heart.

"That's not what you should focus on!" Odin said. "What we should be discussing is the fact that our son has gone and gotten himself pregnant!"

And wasn't that the saying of the year?

"Oh Odin, you seriously can't be thinking of scolding Loki right now, can you?" the Queen scoffed. "This is supposed to be a happy announcement."

"Happy? He and the Man of Iron aren't even-"

"Shhh," Frigga hissed, standing and elegantly placing a finger against the King's lips. "Darling, stop thinking like a dictator and start thinking like a father." Her hand slipped away and she smiled at him. "Loki is having a _child_. We're going to be _grandparents_."

Odin stared at that hopeful face until he finally slumped. Perhaps she had a point. The news had the potential to be exciting. Before he could answer Thor suddenly appeared, poking his head into the room.

"You wished to see me, father?"

Ah. Now was the hard part. Explaining to Thor how on earth his male brother had fallen pregnant. He decided to take things very slowly and explain to him with extreme patienc-

"Thor, you're going to be an uncle!"

"Frigga!" Odin yelled. His wife rushed to her first son and pulled him into her arms. The Thunder God frowned, though hugged her back.

"I'm sorry?" he looked to Odin with loss. Well, there went his plan for subtlety. He motioned for his son to sit on the lounge and when Thor complied he dragged out a sigh.

"My son, I have some…news for you," he managed. Frigga was smiling like a little beam of sunlight next to him. Thor nodded slowly.

"Go on?"

"Well… it's about Loki…"

Thor stiffened on the cushions. "What's the matter? Is he hurt? In danger?"

"That's one way to put it," the Allfather mumbled. Frigga rolled her eyes and placed a hand on Thor's shoulder.

"Sweet heart, Loki is having a baby."

Thor stared. They could see the little thoughts going through his head. All ended in question marks. Frigga swooped to his aid, taking his hands in hers. "Thor, you're going to be an uncle," she tried, a little slower. "Loki is with child."

"W…what?" Thor's eyes flicked between his parents. "…h-how? How could that be?"

_Sigh_. Now came the really awkward bit.

"Well, Loki is a Jotun," Frigga said slowly. "And Jotuns have the ability to be gender fluid."

"No, I mean…who's the father?" A certain fire was brimming in his eyes and his hands tensed. She felt her heart flutter. Her boys, always protective over each other.

"Anthony Stark." His face lightened.

"Oh. So the only way to end his...condition…was…" She nodded.

"It seems."

Once all the information had lodged itself into the god's head, Thor stood. "Well, we must go to him then," he stated, thrilled. "This deserves the best of all celebrations!"

"Yes," Frigga grinned, glad someone else shared her joy. "We should help him prepare. I think I have some of your old clothes-"

"No." Odin's stern voice cut off their excited babbling, making their heads flick towards him. "My rules still stand. You both have just barely returned from your illegal visits. I will not allow you to do so again."

Their mouths gaped open. If they'd been holding glasses, they would have surely have dropped.

"Odin…" Frigga said fiercely, stepping towards him. "You can't be serious…"

"I have told you several times, Loki has been given a punishment and he must see it out."

"So you're going to leave him in that Realm, pregnant, with no magic?" she growled. Thor didn't say anything but the look on his face was enough.

"Loki has plenty of protection. He's smart. He can survive without your aid." Before she could protest Odin held her shoulders. "We also have more pressing matters on our hands." He chanced not mentioning Thanos' name in case Thor grew curious. It was difficult enough keeping the news of the War Titan minimal just within themselves and the Council.

Frigga sucked in a breath, still looking murderous. She didn't voice an agreement, just left the room swiftly and silently. Thor called after her, quickly following. Odin sighed and massaged his forehead. They didn't understand. Loki had to learn something here. If Odin's actions wouldn't teach him a lesson, then his predicament certainly would. He would be _fine_. It's not like he could get himself into even more trouble.

**~O~**

They were parked alongside the colossal mansion, attempting to stake out one of the biggest criminal masterminds in New York, possibly the world.

Loki was so _bored_.

Tony tapped away at his phone, trying to beat his high score on Angry Birds. Loki sucked on a spoonful of double chocolate and strawberry ripple ice-cream and let out an obvious sigh. Then a whine. Then another sigh, just for good measure. Tony tore his gaze from his phone to glare. "Gee Loki, you couldn't be more subtle if you tried."

"I'm bored. Make something happen."

"You have your ice-cream to keep you happy." Loki made a face, dropping the spoon into the tub and giving it a distasteful stare.

"It tastes weird."

"What? It's your favourite. Your very, very particular favourite." The only response was the sound of the tub hitting the back seat, most certainly smearing sticky ice-cream all over the precious leather. Tony twitched.

"We've been waiting out here for hours. Fisk isn't going to show himself."

"Yes, I'm sure they're just having a giant super villain sleep over. Didn't you used to do that sort of thing?" Loki shot him a pointed look.

Wilson Fisk was the one they were waiting for. Tony had known about the bastard ever since he became one of the richest men in the city, and he knew exactly how he got the title. Fisk was a powerful figure in the underworld of New York, having gangs and drugs all at his fingertips. He was known there as 'Kingpin', yet on the surface he was Wilson Fisk, just another rich guy in New York due to a herb company. What a dick.

No one could touch him unless they wanted criminal warfare and Tony knew that. But word at SHIELD suggested that Kingpin might be working with Doom. The idea of smashing both their smug faces was enough for Tony to want to take the mission into his own hands. Well, him and Loki, which was starting to look like a mistake.

Stark was shaken out of his game when he heard the sound of a door click beside him. His eyes blew to the size of planets at the image of Loki strutting out of the car and towards the iron gates surrounding the mansion. "Fuck." He dropped his phone into his carrier bag that was next to him (holding weapons or anything else that might come in handy) and slung the bag over his shoulder as he quickly followed the god into the street. "Um, what are you doing?"

"Making something happen." Tony pulled him back when he got too close to the fence for his liking.

"Are you crazy? What are you gonna do, just waltz in there and ask for tea and biscuits?" Loki seemed to run the idea over his head with a thoughtful hum.

"I'd prefer coffee, but I wouldn't complain." Tony scoffed and scanned over the glossy lawns surrounding the building. His eyes stoped when they met the image of three beefy look-outs standing like rocks in front of the front door.

"There's got to be at least forty body guards in there, plus camera surveillance and I'm not even gonna mention the- _hooooooooly shit_." When he turned to look at Loki he almost swallowed his tongue. A woman was standing before him with thick, black curls going to her mid-back and a curving, busty body. His mouth dropped open when she turned to him with sneaky, emerald eyes. It was a while before he could find his vocal chords. "L…_Loki?_"

"I do believe my eyes are up here, Stark." Tony was too busy freaking out at the new higher pitch of voice to realize he hadn't stopped staring at Loki's (_Loki's!_) breasts.

"Uhhhh." He blinked himself out of his speechless trance and narrowed his eyes at the female face in front of him. "I didn't know you could do this," he managed. Loki simply smirked as she reached into the bag around Tony's shoulder and pulled out a black lacy bra and a pair of six inch heels. Tony gaped. "You mean I was walking around this a manly strut with that shit in my bag?"

"Okay," Loki started, slipping the bra on underneath her charcoal long-sleeve shirt, "I'm going to go and see if there's any chatter going on about Doom. I suggest you get back in the car and start driving." She clipped the bra on with a small grunt.

"What, why?" Tony asked as Loki shuffled into the heels. After adjusting her hair once, she turned for the gates once more.

"Just do as I say."

Tony made an immature face and headed back to his ride whilst Loki stood behind a perfectly cropped hedge, just short of the stone pathway leading to the front door. Eyeing the three body guards, she took a deep breath.

The three men lifted their heads as soon as wretched sobbing and clicking heels hit their ears. Loki sprinted down through the little flower gardens and past the dormant fountain, rubbing at her wet cheeks and drawing in harsh, sob filled breaths. "Help," she gasped. "Please help me, please!"

The guards immediately jolted into action. One with a spray of stubble and shaggy blonde hair stepped forward, eyes wild with concern. "Are you okay? What happened?" Loki skidded to a stop in front of him, wiping her eyes and trying to catch her breath.

"Please, there's a man who's been following me. He tried to attack me!" The three's eyes widened in horror.

"Where is this man?" came the most menacing voice Loki's ever heard. She swallowed and gestured wildly.

"H-he's got brown hair, very notable beard, brown eyes," she rambled. Her eyes lit up suddenly. "He's driving a silver Lexus!" That was enough for them. Two dashed off in search for the offender and the other one wrapped a secure hand over Loki's shoulder.

"They've got 'im, don't you worry. Come on, let's get you cleaned up. You're a mess."

"T-thank you," she whispered, nuzzling into his shoulder. The real piece of acting was keeping the smirk off her face.

**~O~**

Tony leant back in his chair, tapping away at his phone and trying to get his new high score. He was failing dramatically, notably because he couldn't get the image of gender bent Loki out of his head (or out of his trousers). Almost two months with the guy and he doesn't even tell him he can play sex change.

He blinked out of his thoughts when he saw two absolute shit brick-house dudes run out from the mansion grounds. They looks around for a bit until they saw Tony's car. They shared a few comments with each other before, to Tony's dread, started to run towards him. His eyes widened.

"Shit."

**~O~**

Loki was rather enjoying himself. She was sitting on an extremely expensive couch in a sitting room fit for kings (not quite gods, but kings were a start). Dunking another biscuit into her tea cup and nibbling at the edges, she glanced up to the other four men in the room who were guarding her closely. Though being served and treated to a late snack she was finding the attention overpowering and looked for a way to get the anvils of their stares off her shoulders.

"Who's house is this, anyway?" she asked casually, placing the delicate china down.

"This mansion belongs to Phillip Powell. He's a very rich business man, as you can see. Owns many companies." _Lies_, Loki thought. Powell was one just another man who reaped off of Kingpin's drug dealing empire, joining the list of associates she and Tony had glanced over prior.

She nodded, wiping her mouth of any tea stains or stray crumbs.

"Would you like anything else? Anything at all?" the most built of the men asked.

"No, it's quite fine. Your hospitality is overwhelming. However, is there a bathroom in this colossal house by any chance?" Almost all of them went to answer but it was the blue-eyed one who got the first chance.

"Of course! Just go up the stairs, down the hall and it's the fourth door on the right." The others seemed put out, but softened when Loki smiled and thanked him, rising and heading off for the massive stair case.

"Do you need any help finding it?" one called after her.

"No," came the simple answer. Loki rolled her eyes when she was finally out of sight. _Like puppies_. At least now she could relax her shoulders._ Let the investigation begin_.

The building was staggering in both size and luxury, like stepping into some poor man's fantasy. The floors were rich, red carpet, the curtains framing the French windows were intricately detailed and the walls seemed to whisper wealth from every corner. Loki took a moment to appreciate the craftsmanship before returning to his silent search. After scanning a few rooms and finding nothing but plush couches and pool tables, she finally saw something worth noting. A brilliant glow was stretching from underneath two large doors, reaching for the tips of her shoes. Intrigued, Loki stepped closer and listened for any sign of life within the room. Muffled voices hit the drums of her ears.

"He's a mad man, Fisk. You're crazy for even _thinking_ of working with him!"

Loki smirked. It was just too easy.

"Fine. If you won't listen to my reasoning then there is really no reason in me being in this drab house anyway," the gravely low voice boomed through the thick wood of the door. Before Loki could realize what the sudden traveling footsteps meant, the doors opened to reveal the largest man she had ever seen in her life. Vostagg would weep in comparison.

Wilson Fisk. He was dressed in a stiff white suit, giving his figure the shape of a box. Planted in the middle of his pale, sweaty face were two small eyes, narrowed in annoyance. A fat cigar hung from the corner of his mouth, sending clouds of smoke into Loki's face. Her squeaky coughs made Fisk stop. He stared down at Loki, a slimmer of surprise showing before the annoyance returned. The doors closed behind him.

"And you are?" he glared. Loki froze for a split second before bursting into nervous giggles.

"Oh, nobody, I was just on my way to the bathroom but it appears I've gotten lost. Now that I think about it, the moment's passed. I think I'll just go." She turned to leave but was stopped by a giant hand crushing down on her shoulder. She grimaced at the slightly sticky skin.

"Nobody? A pretty thing like you?" The comment was flattering, but there was something in his tone that indicated Loki should be worried. She forced out a small hum of shy agreement. "Now, what I'm wondering is…" he slowly turned her around and Loki was met with a dangerous smile- "How is it someone like you just happened to waltz right in here without alerting the guards?"

"Oh yes, the guards! They were very kind, you see I was being stalked and they helped me."

"Interesting…" he drawled, more smoke invading her eyes and throat. "Lucky, if this were any other situation we might've been picking you out of the pavement if you entered here without permission." Loki's lips curved. Such threats didn't faze her, but the role was a helpless little woman, so she at least tried to look a little sick at the comment.

"Lucky for me then," she smiled, starting to head off again. The hand returned.

"What's your name?"

"Lucy," she said without a beat.

"Lovely. And what were you doing this side of town?"

He was dubious, obviously. You don't run the backstreets of New York on stupidity. "Just out." His face grew dark at the response. Not the answer he was looking for.

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"Very interesting…" He studied her for a minute before the smile returned. "Well, considering you liked the guards so much and you obviously have spare time around the place to be 'out', I'm throwing a Christmas Eve party at my place. I'm sure you know where it is." Loki stumbled for an answer.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly-"

"Unless, of course, you didn't enjoy your hospitality here?" he leaned in close and the smell of tobacco, sweat and something else she _really_ didn't want to know about filled her nose. "A lot of people wouldn't get this opportunity, you know, being a 'nobody'." She was going to reply but the words fell short. She stared at him, eyes narrowing. Kingpin knew she was up to something. Fine. She'd just shove the fact in his face. She and Tony were going to investigate his house next anyway.

"I'd love to go," she smiled sweetly. Fisk smiled and he produced a red rose seemingly out of nowhere and passed it to her.

"Until then." Loki awkwardly took it and nodded, heading back down the stairs. _Tony was right. What a dick_.

**~O~**

Stark was sitting in his car a few streets over, waiting for Loki to finally show up. The two guards had finally stopped chasing him in their own vehicles probably after they realized it was Tony Stark they were chasing. It took them long enough, and Tony was ready to punch Loki in the tit.

When he finally saw the black haired figure walking towards him he pulled himself out of the car, glaring. "A little warning next time?" he growled. Loki, now once again a man, tsked.

"It wouldn't have been authentic now, wouldn't it? Besides, I did tell you to run," he reasoned, unclamping the bra and ripping it out from under his shirt with a grunt. Tony didn't say anything as the bra was passed to him. "Never underestimate the discomfort of women's underwear," Loki warned. The confused man just watched him walk back to the car, heels clicking against the pavement.

"Uh…you still have six inch heels on." Loki didn't seem to care, not even stopping to look down.

"Mmmhm." Tony blinked before shrugging to himself. _Well, I didn't know I was into that. _

_But damn_.

**~O~**

The two guards returned to the mansion, out of breath and disappointed that they didn't get to smash any city scum tonight. They straightened up when Wilson Fisk strolled down the stairs and approached them. "Where have you two been?" he asked, relighting his cigar distractedly.

The glanced at each other, trying to tell one another to be the one to speak first. The one on the left won. "Uh," the other swallowed, "we were out looking for the oppressor of this woman that came in, but…"

"_But?_" the crime lord spat, looking to them with tightened patience. The duo shared gazes again.

"It was Tony Stark," one managed. "He was parked outside the mansion."

Wilson stared them down for a few seconds before straightening his posture and walking over to a vase of roses sitting atop a marble table. "Tony Stark, hmm?" he asked, reaching out to touch the feathery petals that poked out.

"Yes."

He smirked. "I think I shall enjoy meeting out little friend again," he murmured almost to himself. The others in the room eyed each other, puzzled. Fisk realized the stiff tension in the room and he glared. "What are you all looking at?" he growled, turning towards the door with a shake of his head. Taking his bowl hat from a golden hat stand by the wall he stormed out the house and was gone, slamming the doors behind him.

**~O~**

Tony blew out a breath of chilled air, trying to reap warmth from the cup of coca he held in his hands. He was bundled in a thick grey sweater to shield himself from the light downfall of snow. Loki strolled next to him, cradling his own drink of hot coffee, wrapped up in a black trench coat and sadly replacing the high heels for more appropriate footwear. Snowflakes decorated his lashes and his pale skin seemed to merge into the crisp white background of the ice-lined city streets. The night was black and almost starless, not a cloud in sight.

Tony smiled. He loved doing this, taking Loki out to walk around the city at ridiculous hours. The risky stakeout beforehand wasn't a usual routine, but wasn't a first either. Living with Loki for the past month or so had been the most enjoyable, happy, scary and difficult experience of Tony Stark's life. Loki had more layers to him than he ever thought possible for one person. Strip by strip Tony was trying to untwist the stories and agonies from the centuries of Loki's childhood, and it was no easy task. Countless times he'd been shakily woken to Loki mumbling or shouting incoherent nonsense in his sleep, sometimes resulting in thrashes hard enough to send him off the bed. Or, on other occasions, him being sick in the bathroom, ill from reasons he couldn't remember. And some days Loki was just off, aggressive or emotional towards anything and everything.

But times like these were worth the whole lot. Being with Loki was more fun than being on crack. He was a wickedly funny, deliciously mischievous sex god and Tony wouldn't change it for anything.

"You still could've mentioned it. The whole lady thing could've come in handy in previous situations."

"And here I thought you liked surprises."

"Can you morph your body into anything? Like, right now could you have boobs if you wanted?"

"Calm down, Stark," Loki smirked, eyes slinking over to him.

"I just want to know for science," Tony said innocently, sipping his drink.

"Hmm, well perhaps we could do a few experiments of our own when we get home," the silky voice slithered into Tony's ear and he felt a shiver run through him. Loki came to a stop, turning to smile at him. "For science."

"Square deal," the billionaire nodded. Loki went quiet when his attention stumbled upon the florid red and green lights of a large store window, filled with little Santa statues, Christmas trees and everything cheerful and merry. Tinsel glittered and sparkled in the glare of the light, presents were pleasantly wrapped in stripes and stars and the ice that overlayed the glass suggested that nature itself wanted to be a part of the decorations. Loki stared at it all as if the display boasted hanging heads instead of candy canes.

"Explain it to me again," he said. Stark sighed, shuffling next to him to join in the staring.

"Christmas. Presents for the children, debt for the parents. Religious folk say it's all a massive b-day for Jesus, but most know the story like this: fat and merry over there-" he pointed to a rosy cheeked ornament- "climbs down the chimney and leaves gifts under a tree in the dead of night. But only if you've been nice to people for the year."

Loki massaged his brow. "It sounds completely insane."

Tony winced. "Yeah…Oh! He also drinks all your milk and cookies and before Christmas you can bribe him with letters into getting you what you want." Loki scoffed, turning away from the shop and returning to a lazy pace down the frost bitten streets. "What does Asgard do for Christmas anyway?" Tony asked, catching up to him.

"Nothing like _that_, I can assure you."

"Educate me."

"That unfortunately is a task too momentous even for me." Tony glared. The taller man stared him down before rolling his eyes. "Fine. We didn't have 'Christmas'. We had Yule, and it would last twelve days rather than one."

The harsh corners of Tony's face softened into an expression of interest. "Twelve days of Yule? Isn't that Pagan or something?"

"I wouldn't know. I know it started Norse, but we did tend to spark some inspiration when we came down Midgard for the celebrations." Stark's eyes widened.

"You used to pop in to visit?" Loki nodded, smiling at faint memories.

"Every year we'd visit the Vikings. Funny lot. In our honour they'd set great wheels of wood on fire and roll them down hills. We didn't know why, but it was quite flattering."

After discarding their cups the two were drifting away from the paved street and into a small park slapped between the buildings and roads of the city. The trees were bare, branches like bony fingers reaching for the sky. Sodden grass and built up slosh soaked their shoes as they walked on, unfazed. "Of course, Midgard is always changing, far more than any other Realm, so in time the Vikings vanished. It was good fun, though. Hunting and singing and drinking until we thought we'd burst. I didn't matter what we did; we could've quoted trashy magazines and they'd turn it into a new ritual." Tony chuckled, imagining a young Loki and Thor playing pranks and setting things on fire with no one to tell them otherwise.

He then unwillingly thought about all the Christmas' he'd had, and how many times he had just gotten a simple one sentence explanation from his father on why he couldn't be there and the mountains of useless toys that would fill up the lounge room and how he'd learnt that surrounding himself with acquaintances numbed the pain just slightly and-

_Stop. _

He wouldn't think about that. Not right here. Not now.

Stark took a breath and felt the ice reach down into the pit of his lungs and god dammit, the snow kissed ground looked too fluffy to waste. He collapsed onto the grass, rolling onto his back to stare up at the void that was the sky. Loki stared at him bewilderedly. Tony inwardly shrugged- there was no one around and he wouldn't have cared otherwise. Outwardly, he closed his eyes and soaked up winter. "Don't leave me hanging, Bambi."

"What on earth are you doing?"

"Snow angles," he said, barely twitching his arms. "Come join me."

"I'm afraid I'd make a demon instead." He snorted, patting the patch of frosty ground next to him. A few seconds later Loki flopped down beside him, using his outstretched arm as a pillow and dragging out a breath. Tony shuffled himself closer, trying to steal some body heat off of him. For a long moment, they stayed like that, Tony's eyes lightly shut and Loki staring up at the branches of trees against the black canvas of the night, both listening to the commotion of city night (or was it morning?). Soon though, the silence was crumbled by a sleepy voice.

"I hear you mumbling in your sleep."

"Shhh, Stark…" Loki hummed, rolling over to rest his head on his chest. Tony chewed his lip. Loki hated addressing his nightmares. But he knew it was healthier to get it out in the open then cramped up inside of his head.

He'd have to push a little harder.

"And crying. Sometimes the odd scream. And, you know," he cleared his throat, "holding you down as you kick and-"

"What are you getting at?" Loki snapped, tensing up and lifting his head to stare at him. Tony cracked open his eyes, trying to deliver the same amount of control in his own piecing gaze.

"You know what."

"You have no right to speak to _me_ about nightmares, Stark."

"I learnt to get over mine."

"Really?" Loki hissed. He leaned in closer. "All those second chances? All those 'what if's, all those nameless people you had a hand in ki-"

"What are _you_ trying to get at?" Tony said, a small fire building up in his throat. They stared each other off, the derailment of the conversation landing as dread in Tony's gut. Loki glanced away, blowing out a breath that released the tension from his joints.

"Can we not do this?" he pleaded, voice barely above a whisper. Tony unwound, melting with the snow into the ground once again.

"Yeah," he said, rubbing Loki's shoulder. He mentally scheduled the conversation for later, after he'd thought over tactics that didn't end in a complete disaster. They've had enough of their fair share of those moments. After a while a smirk broke over Tony's face. "Hell, you're not on my lap, but it'll do. What would you like for Christmas?"

After a hideous moment of tensity, Loki lolled his head back to stare at the man below him with a half-sloped mouth. "Well I'm not one to break traditions," he insisted, sliding one leg over Stark's body so he was sprawled over him and stared at the two coffee brown orbs, noses just touching. Tony raise a suggestive eyebrow, appreciating the new position.

"Well?"

Loki hummed in fake thought. "I think you'll do."

"Awww, you big softie." Loki grinned, catching Stark's lips in a kiss. Hands ran down his back and he curled brown locks in between his fingers and felt a tongue slip passed his lips-

Suddenly an intrudingly bright light was shining on them. They both squinted against the harsh glare, annoyed that their moment was so rudely interrupted.

"DON'T WORRY TONY!" came a very familiar voice, "I'VE GOT THE TARGET LOCKED! RUN WHILE YOU CAN!"

They both slumped. "You're pet has been following us again…" Loki snarled, leaning away. Tony groaned, looking over to the delirious man.

"Happy, look- jesus, turn that off, will you?" The flash light snapped off, revealing a very hysterical Happy Hogan who was pointing a taser at Loki's unamused face. "Happy, disarm before you hurt yourself."

"I don't think so. He was attacking you!"

"He wasn't attacking me."

"Of course he was! What the hell do you call that face action?!"

"Kissing, Happy! It's kind of what couples do!" Loki glowered, pushing off Tony with a huff. Put-out that his chances of any 'science experiments' for the night were probably reduced to zero, Stark leapt up and stormed over to his chauffeur, snatching the taser off of him. Glancing to it, his shoulders dropped. "It's not even on, you _fucking idiot_." Any reply Happy had was cut off by a very pissed off Loki, who was already walking back towards the street.

"I'll be in the car," he snapped. He and Tony watched him leave.

"Great," Tony said. "There go my chances of getting laid."

"I'm sorry buddy," Happy said, any hysteria extinguished down to guilt. "It's just hard to feel safe for you when you and Loki are…are…"

"Yeah, I get it." Tony said as they both began walking out the park.

"I mean, he's a _super villain_."

"Former super villain."

"And he's always so sneaky-"

"Sexy."

"-And you guys get into fights-"

"-Bonding moments."

"And-"

"_Achoo!_" Happy was once again cut off as Tony's nose exploded.

"Whoa, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah…" Stark waved him off, rubbing his nose and cheeks.

"Do you think you're coming down with something?"

"Tony Stark- _ACHOO!_- does not get sick. Period." They approached the black town car awaiting them, one of the doors open to reveal a slumped Loki getting tired of waiting.

"This century would be nice."

"Whatever." Tony climbed over him and sunk into the leather seat. He pulled out his phone and ordered JARVIS to auto-drive their previous ride back home.

"What's wrong with your face?" Loki narrowed his eyes at the red cheeks and nose. Tony gave him a self-assured, slightly watery gaze.

"What? Am I looking especially handsome tonight?" he fluttered his lashes as Happy began driving down the road, headed for home.

"You look like shit."

"Wow, don't hold back or anything."

"You're sick."

"Tony Stark does _not_ get- _ACHOO!_" Loki raised a judging brow, sending him The Look. Tony rolled his eyes, pressing his head against the warm shoulder next to him. "Whatever," he repeated, yawning. After a few minutes a head rested atop of his, and warmth filled his bones. Yep. Life was pretty good.

* * *

******Well! That was the start to my sequel and I really do hope you enjoyed it. The title may change because I was literally smashing my head against a wall trying to think of something.**

******In case anyone's a little confused, this takes place a little over a month after the first story. And if some of you are screaming 'bUT PREGNANCY?', pregnancy can take up to three months for peole to even know about it. And I hope I've sprinkled enough throughout this for little hints to show up for a friendly wink wink. Oh also Kingin is a Spierman villain (mostly) and I seriously know nothing about him other than a few odd comic panels and that shitty Daredevil movie. From what I've seen he's just this dickish criminal overlord who gives roses to people on his shitlist. So yeah, sorry for probably horrible characterisation.**

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******End note: Yes I changed the chapter title because honestly its go exsessively weird or go home amiright. I should name a novel that.**


	2. Skin Tight

**Exactly a month! Wow I'm a loser. ****So, how good was Days of Future Past? Yeah. Amazing. Quick Silver is my favourite thing of ever.**

**But holy shit, 14 reviews. 38 followers. I was actually shaking when I posted this story because I was so nervous that people wouldn't like it and you have no idea how happy positive reviews make me.**

**Farbauti: omg thank you so much! Oh, I can't wait for Tony and Loki to find out either ;) It will come soon, don't worry. You're epic.**

**This chapter is mostly filler and quite short. I cry at how long it took because really.**

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**2) Skin Tight**

"_This is hell_."

Loki's eyes rolled skyward to meet with the industrial ceiling of the tiny chemist shop he was currently in. Of course the idiot was sick. He'd been rolling around in snow piles and sticking his head out in snow storms for the past month. The worst thing was Loki couldn't even mock him because he was the one sent out to get his…gods, what was it again? He glanced down to the poorly written shopping list Tony had given him.

_. Cough medicine  
. Candy  
. Kinky underwear (preferably for you)  
. A puppy_

"What kind of cough medicine?" he asked into the phone pressed against his ear.

"_Whad do you 'ean whad kind ob cough medicine?_" came the reply, some of the words lost to a clogged nose. He scanned the shelf in front of him, lined with bottles and bottles of cough syrup of every variation and flavour. His silence was enough of an answer. "_I don' care, jus' get anything_." Complying with Stark's wishes, Loki outstretched a hand and knocked about thirty different jars and packages into his basket and made his way to the counter. He almost stumbled when a harsh crackling sounded on the other end of the line.

"What is that noise?" Loki winced.

"_I'm watching the news. Hab you heard of dis_-" a loud sneeze- "_Spiderman guy? Or 'at lizard thing a few weeks back? 'Cos I hab a feeling the Avengers kinda should hab been invited to 'at_." More unbearably hazy speech passed as Loki payed for the medicine and walked out of the claustrophobic store and into the vast, white-tiled shopping mall.

"'Spiderman'," he rolled his eyes. "Subtlety dies a quick death these days. I'll be home in a few minutes so try not to cough up your lungs before I get there."

"_I'm getting 'at puppy, right?_"

Loki hung up and shoved the phone into the pocket of his casual suit jacket, glancing around to the different shops. He liked the mall. It smelled of coffee and perfume and everyone else was too busy to bother him. He intended to head to the car, but something caught his eye. Some toy store was selling Avengers merchandise for half-price, due to Christmas being less than a week away. Now, Loki hadn't really done any Christmas shopping because Tony's gift was particularly small and rather personal. But ideas wormed their way into his head and he found his lips pulled into a smirk and his legs making their way over.

After his last minute spree he was heading across the food court with a slightly heavier basket and a stronger urge to get home and relax, when his feet froze to the ground. Blonde hair, baby blue eyes and muscles ready to burst from their shirt-ly bonds met his eyes. Steve Rogers, _Captain America,_ was quaintly sitting near a coffee shop, glancing around leisurely with an empty mug by his hand and a bag full of most probably nostalgic or depressing things by his feet. After a few seconds, his eyes came to rest upon Loki.

Shit.

He quickly spun on his heels and made a break for the other direction. His façade was in place, but by now almost everyone in the city new his name. Of course, that name was 'Tony Stark's Boyfriend' more than anything else. And even if the Captain didn't know how to turn on a TV, they had already briefly met once before Tony pulled him away from the conversation in which Barton was present and was constantly hinting that he was Loki.

He didn't want to talk with Rogers. His eyes were too sad and his personality was too hopeful. Just being in his presence made him want to be a better person. It was disgusting.

"Hey! Tom, isn't it?"

Mega-shit.

Sighing in defeat, Loki slowed to a halt and turned to see Rogers who had hastily grabbed his bag to catch up. "Interrupting something?" the blonde asked as soon as he got a look at the flustered face. Loki tried his best smile.

"Nothing of too much importance." Steve tilted a head at one of the bags in Loki's hand, filled to the brim with cough medicine.

"Who's dying?"

"Once again, no-one of too much importance." Rogers smirked, glancing over to the other shopping bag.

"Christmas shopping," he stated, frowning at the glimpses of toys. Loki looked at the bag in the Captain's hand. Chocolates peeked over the brim.

"Likewise. Though I'm surprised your social circle is large enough for you to bother." Rogers didn't take the comment as an insult and just nodded as if he'd heard it all before.

"Yeah, I've found it's difficult to play Secret Santa with grave stones."

Loki scoffed, amused. "You out of all people would try." He gave a fond smile down to his chocolates. Something passed over his face, something not quite sadness.

"Nah, these…these are for someone special…" The moment of quiet and the expression on his face made Loki feel intruding. Thankfully the built man returned his attention to his conversation partner. "So, I take it you're shopping for Tony." Loki smirked and nodded, bringing forth his bag of miscellaneous treats for Rogers to investigate. Blue eyes crinkled with chuckles at some of the presents on top and, as expected, Loki got a few odd looks at some of the others. When Steve reached the bottom, he paused before his cheeks flared up. "Oh." He squinted, as if he hadn't seen it right. "_Oh_." He straightened up and Loki brought the bag to his side again. "Stark's a," he cleared his throat, "lucky guy."

"Who ever said it was for him?" Rogers went as red as Loki had hoped, but a quirked smile was on his lips. Hmm. Perhaps his judgements on the Captain were misguided. He was rather an entertaining man. "Well," he said, checking a watch that wasn't there, "Tony is probably throwing a tantrum. Again. I should get this medicine back before he actually starts coughing up bodily organs."

"Wait," Rogers said quickly, grabbing Loki's shoulder as he started to leave and twirling him around with such ease it made the god flinch. Loki tried to scowl at the contact before the Captain started talking again. "I don't know you that well but I do know Tony, and…" He frowned, not very confident in where this was going. Steve was looking at him like he was a small child he wanted to protect- though, that could be normal for the Avenger- and it made him feel uneasy. "Look," he started again, voice stronger, "ever since Stark has been with you, he seems happier. More content. I don't know, just…better. Sober, even, and that's impressive when it comes to Stark. So…thanks." He loosened his grip on Loki's shoulder. "Thank you, for doing whatever you've been doing."

Loki blinked. A tight feeling filled his gut. Twisted pride? Nausea? Probably nausea. Stark wasn't that much different from before. Sure, he drunk less (or maybe not at all) and he laughed a little more and seemed a little happier (more like the life had returned to his eyes). It wasn't that much of a big deal.

He gave a small smile, thanked him, and walked out of the shopping centre as fast as he could.

**~O~**

"What _is_ that ugly thing in the middle of the lounge room?" Loki's voice rang through the door as he entered into the bedroom. Tony glanced at him from his mountain of tissues and empty bowls of chicken noddle soup. He must've been sleeping, because he sat up and stretched and started rubbing his eyes, making them even redder.

"Whad?" he mumbled as Loki laid down his shopping by the bed.

"That hideous piece of nature blocking the view from the window."

"Do oo mean the Chrishmas Twee?"

"Of course it's another Christmas tradition," the god rolled his eyes and glanced to a packet of chocolates with a note saying '_Get well soon, asshole'_ with a few hearts decorating the edges. Ah. Pepper had been here. That would explain the soup bowls.

"Hey, our Chrishmas Twee is gorgeous."

"'Our'? I won't have anything to do with that thing." Tony was about to argue when the dark-haired man suddenly spilled the contents of one of the bags onto the bed, an endless flow of cough syrup engulfing the covers.

"Fuck," he blurted, loud enough to make him sneeze after. "How mush dud you get?"

"Enough."

"You tink?" he scanned the bottles until he found a vanilla flavoured one. Humming in interest, he reached over for it, but his fingertips fell short. Loki watched his struggle with raised eyebrows before Tony finally slumped. "Lo-lo?" he glanced up to the god with a desperate glint in his eye.

"You are pathetic," Loki said, flicking the bottle towards him. Tony grinned and was about to untwist the cap when his eyes landed on the second bag of shopping.

"Ooo, whad else dud oo get?" he asked as slyly as he could with a nose full of muck. "Did oo get me 'at puppy?"

Loki smirked, chucking the almost empty bag at him. "Not quite." Tony eagerly looked inside, but his face fell. Confused, he pulled out a packet and squinted at the label, not much different from how Rodgers had done before him. "Just a small get well gift."

Tony chuckled, trying not to choke on them as they passed through his throat. "You actually got dem." It was lingerie, but the packet was empty. "So where is it?"

"Well," Loki said lowly, stalking over the bed to hang over the man below him. He let his shoulder peek out from his shirt to expose the start of something black and lacy. "When you're better, you'll find out." Tony smirked, leaning up to kiss him, but Loki rejected it with a finger to the lips. "When you're better." He patted him on the cheek and leapt off the bed.

"Dat's so nob faar!" Tony whined, falling back onto the pillows. "Oo are a meany." Loki simply laughed, leaving the bedroom after throwing the Bambi plushie at him and a "Get well soon!"

**~O~**

Kingpin glared at the TV in front of him. The glare wasn't intentional, it was just as the years passed the expression had taken up a permanent residence on his brow. A dark hooded figure stared back, barely visible. Kingpin liked to roll his eyes when he looked back to these meetings. Doctor Doom, though an important figure in his career right now, did make him wonder if he was as notorious as people claimed. He was far too obvious for his liking. Fisk wore smart and expensive suits, Victor wore green capes. Enough said.

"Tony Stark?" the metal mask echoed.

"Yes."

More glares.

"So, the Avengers are sticking their noses into business they shouldn't," Doom mumbled.

"I don't know if the Avengers are involved, but I do know Stark is. And a woman named 'Lucy'. She acts as his accomplice." There was barely a break in conversation when the Doctor spoke.

"It is clear that Tony Stark must be eradicated." Fisk couldn't help it. He snorted.

"By all means, go knock on his door and take down Iron Man."

"I understand if you can't see past your own fists in a time of need. I, however, know tactics beyond brutal force." Kingpin felt his hands crunch around the arms of his chair. Instead of punching the TV, he leant over to grab a cigar and lit it. He took a _very_ long drag as metal-face continued. "Did you get any information on Lucy?"

"No," Fisk growled out. "But I invited her to a party and she accepted."

"Then we can only hope Stark with accompany her. In the meantime, I am working on a technology to help overtake the very thing that makes Tony Stark 'Iron Man'."

"His suits," Kingpin stated.

"His A.I. The most advanced in the world." Kingpin tapped his cigar on the chair arm. The guy makes fun of him for suggesting to take down Stark single-handedly, and now he's bragging about how he wants to overpower one of the greatest technological advanced in this century. He almost wanted the Avengers to lock the nut-case up. Doom continued. "I will provide you with a device to stop the A.I from alerting the Avengers when you send your men over to delete his existence."

"Wait," Fisk said. "You're just going to assume that I will send some of my _own_ men to a fight _you're_ composing?"

"I'm glad we're on the same page. The next meeting we have will be in the aftermath of either your success or dramatic failure. Until then."

The TV fizzled and went black.

**~O~**

_This is such bullshit._

Tony practically stomped through the halls of SHIELD, deliberately taking more time than needed. Two days and he was wonderfully sniffle-free and planned on celebrating that fact by exploring some more of Loki's 'gifts'. That plan was shot in the face by Loki worshipping the toilet for the entire day, hacking up anything he tried to eat for no reason what-so-ever.

"_Maybe you caught my cold."_

"_This isn't a cold, this is the ninth circle of __**Hel**__."_

"_You're over reacting. It's probably a bug."_

"_I can't move without pain."_

"_So I'm guessing no lingerie sex."_

_More hurling._

"_**Norns**__, have mercy…"_

It was extremely weird, both in its sudden occurrence and equally sudden disappearance. But Loki had been sick before, and Tony wrote it off as another off day. If that weren't enough, Nick Fucking Fury had called in the Avengers for a top secret meeting. As if there was no possibility of them having a life.

So he stomped and pouted as he made this way passed agents and common rooms and labs, ignoring every '_good morning Mr Stark_' that flew past his ears. Was he being childish? Oh yeah. Nothing short of. But that's how Tony Stark rolls.

He pushed through the doors of the main meeting room. There sat the Earth's Mightiest Heroes- Steve was pushing Clint's legs off of the table, Natasha was sitting back with crossed arms and a bored look on her face and Bruce was updating his Facebook status. Fury was standing at the end of the table in a black suit and a condescending look on his face, same as always. The only new character in the room as an agent standing next to him, who was tall and pale and had black hair groomed back and the sexiest cheek bones eve-

Tony stopped.

A non-existent mouthful of water sprayed out. _Loki_ was…no, maybe it wasn't Loki. Maybe it was a look-alike. Or a twin. Or maybe just a fan. That couldn't possibly be Loki, standing beside the Director of SHIELD in a room full of superheroes and dressed in a skin tight jump suit...

"Mr Stark, I would appreciate it if you would sit down so I can get this across as quickly as possible." Tony noticed he had been standing and staring in silence for a good minute. Everyone was looking at him. Loki smirked.

_Fuck._

Finding his legs, he stumbled over to a chair and sat down next to Bruce, who started a facial conversation. '_You okay?_' his expression said. Tony just gave a quick shake of his head before Fury started speaking. "Okay, thank you all for coming, even though I can't understand why some of you took so long."

_Why is Loki here? I told the bastard to rest for the day. He's still smirking, the little son of a-_

_Oh wait, important information I should be listening to._

"As you all know, Victor von Doom has been on our radar for a while, and sources tell me that something is coming and its coming fast." Everyone was alert and listening, accept for Clint who was still giggling over Nick Fury saying 'von Doom'. "So, Agent Romanoff and I have come up with a battle plan to stop the threat before it happens. Doom has a castle in Latveria. That's where we'll find him. I have good reason to believe that he doesn't know anyone's on his trail."

_Is he making __**faces**__ at me? Is anybody else seeing this?!_

A holographic map lighting up in the middle of the table drew his attention away from the insolent man in the room.

"Barton, Romanoff and Stark will travel to Serbia, the neighbouring country." Said country lit up on the map.

"Wait, what?" Tony frowned, jolting in his seat. "Why me?"

"If I ship three Avengers into Latveria- a tiny, quiet country that has no reason to be on anyone's shit list- then I might as well hand you over to Doom wrapped in a bow. Miss Potts has given the okay to grant the city of Serbotica a substantial amount of charity towards their hospitals, courtesy of Stark Industries, so Stark will travel over as an icon. Whilst the attention is on you, Barton and Romanoff will travel to Latveria and investigate Doom's castle." One, menacing eye landed on the two spies. "It _cannot_ be known that you're in the country, you hear me?" The hologram disappeared and Fury straightened up. "I have trust in you."

"Aw, thanks."

"I was talking to Romanoff." Tony was met with a glare. Loki snorted. "_You_ have to make sure your image is clean. No drinking, no partying and Iron Man cannot be involved. This mission takes place after Christmas." As the billionaire deflated Steve perked up.

"Sir, is there anything Bruce and I can do?" Bruce seemed a little pissed off at the comment, hoping he could slip out without any orders.

"You and Dr Banner will await here. It's no good sending all my firepower into the fray." Rodgers nodded and Fury gestured towards the door. "You are excused."

_It's like we're school children._

Steve, Natasha and Clint left. Loki, perfectly quaint with hands behind his back strode across the room, brushing up against Tony before leaving. He watched as he did so, about to call after him before Fury spoke.

"Stark and Banner," he addressed. Bruce, halfway out of his chair, glanced up.

"Sir?"

"I need you two to give the new recruit an intro."

They both frowned at each other. "What?"

They scientist and the mechanic walked briskly through the halls, looking for the correct lab where they'd find the 'newbie'. Few words were spoken between them as curiosity racked their minds. Was it a new superhero? A new SHIELD agent? Possibilities dove in and out of their brains. But nothing prepared them for what they opened the lab door to.

A young man was standing there. He was casually dressed in a jacket and jeans with a school bag slung over his shoulder. Everything but the Spider-Man mask over his head was completely normal. Tony and Bruce glanced to each other.

…_what?_

"Oh my god," the teen gasped, voice muffled from the mask. "Mr Stark. I love you. I'm such a big fan. I can't believe I just said that out loud."

This obviously did nothing to diminish the confusion in the room.

"And you, Mr Banner. You're awesome. You're both awesome. I'm sorry. I should probably stop."

"Yeah," Tony said, stepping further into the room. "Who are you?"

"Oh," the masked boy said, still flustered. "I'm Spider-Man."

Silence.

"…the guy that was involved in the lizard thing?" 'Spider-Man' nodded.

"Yeah." Tony scoffed.

"Alright. What's your real name?"

Spider-Man shuffled. "I can't tell you. It's kinda a secret." Tony shared a knowing look with Bruce before lamely pulling out his phone.

"JARVIS?"

"Oh my god. JARVIS? As in the greatest A.I ever? Oh my god. Sorry. That's awesome."

"_The person in front of you is Peter Parker, Sir_."

The teen stopped. Tony and Bruce stared. After a bit of stuttering and fumbling and finally a defeated sigh, Peter pulled the mask off, revealing a head full of wild brown hair. "Dammit. I'm such a bad superhero."

"_Oh, it really is you, Mr Parker_," JARVIS suddenly said, making Peter's head snap up.

"What?"

"_The deduction was made on remarkably doubtful terms. I scanned your suit underneath your clothes and saw that the material was from a Lycra body-suit store, so I quickly checked the_ _records and saw that this particular suit was purchased by a man called Peter Parker. But, as I said, remarkably loose deduction_."

Peter was lost for words. He seemed tied between fan-girling and crying. Tony chuckled at the boy's face, shoving the phone back into his pocket. "JARVIS you meanie, stop showing off. So! Mr Parker," he took his hand in a firm shake, "you the newest Avenger?" Peter's mind snapped back into his perky self.

"Oh. Oh, no, I'm just here because…well, I don't really know. Nick Fury- who's awesome, by the way- just called me in to be registered in SHIELD. I think. But that would be awesome. I need a little practise with the crime fighting, though." He smiled sheepishly.

"So you're a bit of a nerd." Tony and Peter glanced to Bruce, who they hadn't even noticed was scanning a computer screen, looking up Parker's stats. "Head of your class, a recommendation from Doctor Connors. Very impressive."

"Oh, yeah," Peter blushed, scratching the back of his neck. "I guess I'm kinda good at science."

"Great," Tony slapped him on the back. "We love nerds here. We _are_ nerds here. You're gonna fit right in, kiddo." Peter blushed more.

"Tony Stark called me 'kiddo'," he said under his breath as he was led over towards Bruce.

"Brucey will show you some of the cool, shiny things around the lab." Bruce smiled warmly and welcomed the teen under his wing, showing him some of the systems and tech around the place. Tony leant back on one of the tables, making comments here and there. It was a fun half an hour that ended when Tony spotted Loki through the window.

"Uh, excuse me, I just need to talk with Agent…Spock alone for a sec." He fled the room, grabbing Loki by the shoulder and unceremoniously dragging him into a high-tech version of a broom closet. Slamming him against the wall, he heard the taller man bite out a laugh.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he snapped, getting straight to the point.

"Do I distract you, Stark?" Loki smirked. Tony's eyes betrayed him and began to scan down the combination of Loki's muscles encased in tight fabric, and _hot damn_-

_NO. No. You are angry. Angry._

"Fuck yeah you do. How do you expect me to keep a straight face when my biggest kept secret is standing next to the person who will kill me if said secret it revealed?" Loki appeared to be barely listening, pulling a phone out. "What are you even doing here?"

"I'm simply downloading a few secure files and Barton's music collection. JARVIS and I don't hate each other, you know."

"But how did you even get in here? I thought SHIELD had a radar for magic and alien power sources."

"Oh, I'm not really here. I'm waiting outside in the car. I'm influencing an agent to do my will." Tony backed off a bit.

"…Then why am I seeing _you_?"

"Because I like to mess with you." Loki- _though not really Loki, which was creepy_- smiled sweetly and kissed him on the cheek. "Now, this takes a lot of magic and I'm tired. Hurry up and get downstairs."

Bruce was happy to stay back and introduce Peter to more facilities, so Tony said goodbye, signed Peter's cheek and invited Bruce to spend Christmas with him without giving him room to refuse. He was so close to walking out of that building before Fury stopped him in his tracks.

"Oh come on!" he whined. "_This close_ to the door."

"I want to talk about Tom."

Tony clamped his mouth shut. "What about him?" he thanked whatever higher power that his voice didn't waver. Fury was like a brick wall in front of him, his expression never faltering.

"Tell me about him."

Tony swallowed. "Well, he likes chocolate, long walks on the beach and-"

"I mean his intentions, Stark."

Tony frowned. "He's my boyfriend." Fury had no reason to be suspicious. Tony had created a fake profile for Loki's persona ages ago. 'Tom Hiddles' was now a real person according to the right files and Wikipedia.

"Yes, boyfriend to one of the most powerful people in the world. And an Avenger." His eye patch gleamed with accusation.

"Are you suggesting my partner's a terrorist?" Tony scoffed. "Look, the only thing Tom's guilty of is bad driving." Fury stared him down for a few minutes, his one eye like a bag of concrete on his shoulders. Thankfully, he backed off and let him through.

"I hope it stays that way."

Tony rolled his eyes as he charged out of the building. Nick Fury breathing down his neck over his relationship struck a nerve. A very sensitive nerve. He stormed across the courtyard and over to his poorly parked Lexus and opened the door, leaning over to grab Loki by the face and kiss him aggressively until the fire in his stomach died down. Loki blinked when Tony let go and pulled his seat belt on, slamming the door closed.

"Rough day?" he managed.

"Uh-huh. Home. Now." Loki chuckled and pulled the car head-first into oncoming traffic.

"I hope you're not this flustered tomorrow," he said.

"Why?" Loki looked to him with a twinkle in his eye.

"We have a party to go to."

**~O~**

Odin thought he was seeking to betray him. Well, he kind of _was_…but that was beside the point.

"Please, father," Thor tried once more. "I am needed on Midgard. I need to see Jane and the Avengers. What if a crisis occurred and I'm not there?" The King breathed in deeply. He was at a crossroads with his sons, torn between Thor's responsibility to the Midgardians and Loki's banishment. Parenthood was taking its toll on him, these past few years.

"I am sure that the Avengers can survive without you."

"_Father_," Thor urged. Odin really hated how he said 'father'. It made his stomach twist into knots. "I won't see Loki. I have other commitments besides my brother. Jane and I haven't had any time together for so long now." A golden hand placed upon his shoulder. "I need to see her." Odin stared at his son. Hopeful, glistening eyes stared right back.

He inhaled sharply. "If you swear to not see him-"

"I swear," Thor said in a rush, a grin splitting his face. He had won him over. "I won't see Loki," he nodded.

"If you do, I shall know," Odin warned. Thor was already halfway out the room.

"I know," he called over his shoulder. He couldn't stop the knowing glow creeping over his face as Odin slipped right into his trap, oblivious to the deal he had struck with Heimdal. I seems Queen Frigga wasn't the only one who thought the King's decisions weren't the most righteous.

_Time to meet my nephew._

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**Peter Parker is my baby. I will wrap him up in warm blankets and feed him cocoa.**

**I would say the next chapter will be up soon, but let's face it. Until next month.**

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***I've fixed the typo with Steve's last name. Why did I think it was 'Rodgers'. Omg. It sounded like Rodgers. Why have my ears betrayed me. Hopefully I corrected all of it :)**


	3. Fancy

**3) Fancy**

Wilson Fisk's party. Aim? To see if the asshole's mansion already had Doom's fingerprints over it. It was simple, really. It wasn't supposed to end up with Tony Stark and Loki Laufeyson, both females, hiding in a shower pressed up against each other and listening to the oncoming footsteps of their impending doom.

Perhaps we should start from the beginning.

Tony rummaged through the colossal closet, skimming passed suits of every colour. Why the fuck did he have a purple suit? Maybe he should wear it just to make it cool again. If it ever was. Hmm…nothing seemed to fit. Loki said he should be the distraction while he did most of the work. That was fine with Tony. But how extravagant of a distraction should he be? He felt like placing his fingertips together with an evil chuckle. _So many options._

He ended up grabbing around five different outfits and pulled them out for Loki to judge. "Okay, just say it- the purple one is a clear winne…" he trailed off. Loki was standing in the middle of the room, not yet in costume and still male. He was holding out a dress. Tony stared at it. Sienna wasn't really Loki's colour, but the low-cut was nice. "Uh…yeah, I guess that's cool for you." Loki's face turned into something dangerous.

"Oh, it's not for me."

Tony blinked. Something clicked in his brain. He's already been identified as Lucy's stalker…so if he were to show up as Tony Stark, that'd look bad…so…

Oh.

_Oh no._

"Are you serious?" he asked.

"You are to be my female escort for the night." Tony felt his jaw drop. _Holy shit._ He was going to be a chick. That's like, everyone's question that's never answered. He tried to keep his cool.

"Escort?"

Loki shrugged. "Or we could be lovers."

"Fuck yeah. We'll be the hottest lesbians on the planet. Magic me up." Loki chuckled at the enthusiasm and stood back. A bright glow surrounded them both for about ten seconds before dying out. Tony frowned. He didn't feel any different. Actually, his chest felt a little itchy. Loki looked satisfied, sitting down on the bed.

"Did it work?" As soon as Tony spoke he clamped a hand over his mouth. That…was not his voice. It was high and sweet sounding and…

Adorable.

He- no, _she_- giggled. She couldn't stop. It sounded so alien and yet was coming from her own mouth. Tony glanced down and saw two large things obscuring her view. She grabbed one. Soft. And squishy. "Oh my god," she squeaked. "Boobs. Awesome." Her arc reactor was also out of sight, with a glimmer of magic rippling over it. Without saying another word she tried running into the bathroom before stopping. _Ow, fuck that hurts. Okay, no running_. Walking briskly, she came to a stop in front of the mirror and appreciated the new face staring back.

Her hair was slightly longer and silkier, flicking off at the nip of her neck. Her lips were fuller and her cheeks were smoother and her trademark beard was gone. Body-wise, she was rocking. Her curves were a little more petite than she wanted, but as she ran her hands over them she didn't care. Hips were awesome. Boobs were awesome. Women were awesome.

"Having fun?" she heard Loki call from the bedroom. She pranced out like the elegant, adorable thing she was.

"I am such a cute chick. Listen to my voice! Damn. I'd bang me. Do you see these hips? Do you see these lips? No cosmetics on this body, sister. Oh my god, I will finally be able to hit that note on that Witney Houston song." Tony babbled on and on, not noticing Loki as he picked up clothing from around the room. Eventually he cut off her excited comments by stuffing them in her face.

"Bra, stockings, dress, heels." He pushed her into the bathroom again.

After half an hour of trying to figure out women's underwear and struggling with stockings, Loki slipped into his female form and came in to help. Ignoring Tony's comments on how unfair it was that her breasts were bigger, Loki pulled and prodded until the dress was slipped on and Tony was actually looking nice. Balancing on heels, she tiptoed out of the bathroom.

"I changed my mind. I don't like being a girl."

Loki's lips hooked into smile. "Just wait," she chimed, leaning against the doorframe and letting her own dress of endless black sweep across her thighs, "we've got hair and makeup next."

Tony's shoulders slumped. "Fuck."

Stark wanted to take the convertible so their hair could blow in the sunset breeze. She also downloaded the new Witney Houston album. Loki was driving (after a much heated argument that ended with Tony realizing she couldn't drive in heels) and the car zipped through the lanes, a scarlet, musical blur. Loki was ready to rip her ears out.

"Oh, hey!" Tony took a blessed break from 'singing' and jumped up in her seat. "I've got to come up with my name, don't I?" Loki's face fell flat from behind her sunglasses.

"If you must."

"It should be something exotic, like Laquisha. Yeah, I'd totally be Laquisha. Or maybe I'll be one of those obscure celebrity names like Apple. Or Candy. No, people will think I'm a stripper. An expensive stripper, but a stripper."

"How about Natasha?"

"Wow that'd piss Clint off. I love it."

The singing quickly continued.

The sun had sunk into the ground by the time they'd arrived to Wilson Fisk's enormous mansion. It must've had at least one hundred rooms, all wrapped in sandstone, marble columns and the tinge of green vines crawling up the walls. The giant iron gates were flung open, drawing in the business men, the movie stars, the politicians and anyone with lots and _lots_ of money. Basically every other party Tony's been to. But the feeling bubbling in her stomach wasn't familiarity but nervousness and a touch of exhilaration. The lawns stretched for what looked like miles in front of the manor and crowds of delicately dressed people were standing and holding any kind of alcohol you could imagine. News crews were ushered away.

"The plan?" Tony was surprised when she heard a tightness in Loki's tone. She couldn't make out a clear expression from behind the glasses, but Loki's hands were squeezing around the wheel as she parked.

"Be the distraction while you find any gifts from Doom. Hey," she said, "you feeling okay?" Loki paused. She dipped her hand into the bag and pulled out the rose Fisk had given her upon their first meeting, hummed in thought for a moment, and then slipped it into the decoration of her dress.

"That'll piss him off," she said with a much stronger tone. Tony felt the weight lift out of her gut and grinned.

"That's my girl."

A man came shortly afterwards to look after their car and soon the two were slinking through the crowds of people. Many heads turned at the fresh faces, particularly the men who gave them complimenting nods and suggestive looks. Tony took great pleasure in winking at all of them and watching them fall limp into the palm of her hand and making Loki growl every time she got distracted by her own cleavage and almost toppled her over. Loki pulled her over to one of the many tables on the lawn that held an array of bottles that sent an amber glow against the white table. A cater quickly started to mix some drinks for them.

"This is awesome," Tony grinned. "I just smile and guys have orgasms."

"Be careful, _Natasha_," Loki mumbled, her green eyes shining. "You should know how women have to look out for themselves, considering you are usually one of the things they are told to look out for."

"That's rude to point out. I'm a changed man now. Metaphorically and literally speaking." Loki suddenly felt a harsh tapping at her shoulder and was drawn away from her drink with a glare. "Fisk." That was all the warning she got before she was turning around to come face to face with the giant man, once again in a crisp white suit. The lights from the mansion sent a perfectly polished glare off of his bald head and snobbish grin. Two body guards were at his sides and another cigar was between his teeth. He hadn't changed at all since their last encounter.

"Lucy," he said in a slimy voice, "how nice to meet your acquaintance again." He took her hand and kissed it sloppily. Tony tried to be subtle in his gagging gesture.

"I'm surprised you remember me," Loki said with a shy smile.

"Oh, I don't forget faces, my dear," Wilson remarked in that voice that made you wonder whether he was threatening you or giving you a compliment. His beady eyes landed on Tony's less than pleased face. "But I don't seem to recall this lovely one."

"This is Natasha," Loki introduced, taking her hand back and placing it on Tony's shoulder, half to seem friendly and half to calm her down.

"A pleasure."

"I'm sure it is," Tony sneered. When Fisk's face started to twist into something more threatening than his smile Loki stepped in.

"I'm so sorry about my girlfriend's tone," she said whilst sending a glare in Tony's direction. "She's not very comfortable around people who are better than her." Before she could reply Loki shoved a drink into her hands. "Sweetie, why don't you take a drink and tell the lovely Mr Fisk about your low self-esteem." Tony was left gaping as Loki left the scene in an elegant whoosh of black fabric.

Loki didn't look back as she passed the crowds, but she imagined Tony's face was something precious. But laughing could wait until some actual work was done. Then they could both laugh. Evilly. Loki a little more evilly.

Sneaking into the mansion was a simple task and soon she was wondering through the restricted rooms of gloss and glamour. Stepping into Fisk's house was like stepping into the mind of an eccentric douche bag. Nothing in the rooms, from the ceiling to the floor, had the audacity to be frivolous or superficial. Everything was crafted and moulded into a very prodigious version of perfection. Tony's décor had flair, but Fisk's was nothing short of bloated exploits of his riches.

Layers of floors and rooms peeled away the further she ventured downwards. The hallways got narrower, the walls became barer and cherry wood was replaced with thick stone. When the air became freezing and stale and at least five floors were above her head, Loki stopped at the foot of an iron door. Just by looking at it she figured there must've been at least twelve different alarms fastened around it. Shrugging, she simply cracked her neck and appeared inside with a slight ripple of air.

A giant basement filled with metal caskets aligned side by side stared at her. "Hm." She made her way over to the first one, squinting at the text that was scribed onto the side. Written in Hungary. But the tiny symbol that represented Latveria gave the obvious clue. She pulled out her phone and snapped a few pictures (definitely not posing for one) before deciding to text Tony to get ready to leave. The less time spent near Fisk the better.

Unfortunately, her stomach had other plans.

Loki gasped has she was hit with the sensation of knives plunging into her abdomen. Dropping the phone and getting forced to her knees, she wrapped her arms around her middle and tried to breathe. It was the strange pains again. Loki had figured it was from her lack of magic, but she'd never heard of anything like this occur- _oh __**gods**__, the pain…_

A shuddering hand reached for her phone. "JARVIS," she gasped, hoping the AI was there. She stopped her struggling when she heard something behind her.

"Well," came the very, very disappointment voice of Wilson Fisk, "what are we going to do about this?"

**~O~**

A hand brushed against her thigh and Tony was in immediate regret. The feeling wasn't new, but the situation certainly was. Flirting with the massive slice of hunk she'd spotted when she had gotten away from Kingpin had been fun, until she noticed that the man had no intention of keeping up the small talk.

She shuffled closer to the garden bed, coughing nervously. "Ha, okay dude. No touchy."

"Oh come on," the chocolate-haired man soothed, stepping closer. "Don't tell me you came up to me just to tease."

"Yes. Yes, that's exactly why I came up to you."

The man- had she _really_ been flirting for ten minutes without even getting his name? - scoffed. "Well then you owe me for my time. Come on," he repeated, "let's have some fun."

"I have fun. Lots of fun. I think I can take a break from fun. Besides, I don't think you'd be as fun as this other guy I know."

"Well you'll never find out if you don't try."

"No thanks."

"Playing hard to get? Come on, that's an old one."

"No I just think you're an asshole." She shrugged. "Later."

She started walking away from the scene with an awesome sense of sass when she felt him grab her shoulder, hard. "Don't fucking leave me hanging-"

One twirl and swing of a fist and the man was downed before finishing his sentence. A few people stared and gapedbefore one man nodded and clapped softly. Tony flicked some hair out of her face. "Damn straight."

**~O~**

Fisk punched Loki's left cheek and she returned it with a kick to the leg. She really should've noted her surroundings and seen the personal elevator on the other side of the room. It was embarrassing, really, how easily she'd been sprung. Every move burned, but she planted her feet to the ground and readied herself for the next blow. Kingpin was a good fighter. He threw his fists with precision and strength and Loki found herself in a sheen of sweat when he took a pause from beating her face senseless.

"So, I was right, you are Tony Stark's little spy. I find it amusing that you decided to show off the very thing that makes you a bullseye on my land."

Loki just barely glanced down to the rose on her breast before she was blocking another punch. The meaty fist collided with her arms and it was a pure test of who was stronger. "That's quite some strength you've got on you," Kingpin said through gritted teeth.

Loki smirked. Her body was in utter agony. "You are an _ant_, compared to me." His face welled with red rage before Loki forced every last bit of cooperation and vigor from herself to sweep a leg under his heels and smash a final punch to his head, feeling the bones break from underneath her knuckles.

Wincing, she slumped against one of the metal cases and held her stomach. Blood and bile was in her throat and mouth. She picked up her phone. "JARVIS, tell Stark to find me." She glanced down to Fisk's slumped body. "Tell him there's been a slight change in the plans." She waited for the message to send before licking her lips and making her way to the elevator.

Stumbling out on the fifth floor she found herself in some sort of grand bedroom, laced with gold and royal blue. Not taking the time to appreciate the interior design she quickly staggered into the enormous, starch white bathroom and fell against the toilet, chucking up her guts. It wasn't two minutes of hell before a whirl of brown hair and sienna crashed into the room.

"JARVIS told me to find you, you wouldn't believe what a guy just tried to- holy shit. Are you okay?" Tony knelt down next to her and rubbed her back as Loki finished. Dragging in breathes and wiping her mouth, Loki shook her head.

"No. We need to get out of here. I suspect the guards will be searching for Fisk." Footsteps entering the bedroom made Loki flinch to the half-open door. Tony didn't hear them and kept talking.

"What happened? Don't tell me he-" A hand taped around her mouth and Tony was dragged into the shower. Loki drew the curtain across and pressed them both against the wall. Tony struggled until her mouth was released.

"There's people in the bedroom," Loki whispered. Tony just glanced down at their arrangement of bosom against bosom and smirked.

"Well, this shouldn't be as much as a turn on as it should, but-"

"Shut the fuck up Tony." Her forehead was still sweating.

One of the bodyguards, upon hearing a commotion, entered the bathroom with a scowl on his face. Taser gun in his hand, he walked over and glanced to the bath and then made his way to the shower. Aiming his weapon, he drew the curtain across. Nothing. Innocent tiles glistened in the industrial lights. Humming, the man tucked his gun away and went off to search elsewhere.

Collapsing onto a remote section of lawn, Tony and Loki fell. The teleportation drained the last of Loki's strength, and she really needed to have a squishy bed and large, _large_ chai late. At least the pains in her stomach had disappeared. Tony sat up and groaned.

"Fuck, my head. Let's not do that again."

"We won't be. Not for a while," Loki sighed, helping Tony up. "Wilson knows about you. He knows what we've been doing. He sprung me in the basement and I knocked him out." Tony registered the information.

"A guy wants me dead. Nothing really new. I'll get JARVIS to double everything around home, then." As they walked to the gates at the back of the mansion, hand on waists, Tony inclined her head to Loki's stomach. "And this sickness business?"

"Nothing."

She snorted. "Yep, never heard that one before."

"It must be something to do with my restrained power." She rolled her eyes, taking the half bent rose from her dress. "Something I'm not in the mood to discuss." Tony would've pressed on, but Loki had used _Midgardian_ swears barely seconds ago. She obviously wasn't in a talkative mood.

"Okay. Any Doom business?"

A phone was passed over in response. Tony flicked through the pictures. "Nice selfie."

"Thanks."

"So what now?"

"Report the information to SHIELD and your friendship group."

"Oh _god_, it's Christmas Eve. I do not want to go reporting to Fury like a good little agent right now. No, I meant what do you want to do victory wise." Loki sent her a conversant look.

"I'm sure you have something in mind. Though I must address that my magic won't be able to change us both back for quite a while."

"Freaky, gender-bent sex?" Tony suggested as they both stepped out onto the street. Loki scoffed.

"Duh."

* * *

**Yaaay it didn't take a month.**

**So holy crap 28 reviews and over 50 followers? I love you guys so much and I'm so happy that you're all enjoying the story.**

**In case anyone was questioning it, Thor isn't here yet because in the previous story I stated that it takes a few days for people to travel to Asgard and back using the Bifrost because time moves differently (unless you're a badass magic user like Frigga). So that's why Thor isn't here yet :)**


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